Tereza-Nyankol Mathiang Dut

I didn't know how much my mother meant to my country. I looked at her as a celebrity, a star at times. The closest thing I'll ever be to fame. She was by far the most forgiving character I've ever known in my lifetime(So far). She was one thing to all and another to me, I found out later on.
Growing up with my mom was the single most important thing in building my character, the person I became. She taught me my morals, my strengths, and my inner glow. When I was just a child, I didn't feel too well. I felt unwanted and unappreciated. I worked hard, pleased my elders, and did what I was told. I never used to really have my mother around. She was busy, building a legacy. Thankfully I had my grandmother. She was my first mother. Like she raised my mother well, the same to me and my siblings. My grandmother was the reason why my mother became the star that she was. All the success was because of my grandmother. Like mother like daughter.
At the very beginning of my teens I became separated from her, because of a bigger cause. I've resented her for it. I was just getting to know her. I will never forget the day I realized that I've learnt to be strong alone. Sure she pushed me out to the wilderness, another city with a sibling that was too busy to be bothered. But it worked out well. Because it was the first time in my life I became intimate with God. I never knew that my Father God existed till I moved far away from both my parents.
After a lot of heartache and some lash back, I came to the end. My end, that was when I got pregnant at 16. On tour in Australia, my mom got the call. Her oldest daughter told her that the younger daughter is ruined. Oh my, what a mess. She handled it like an African mother. I will never forget that lecture. It was more of yelling at me for two straight hours. Iit finished with I love you, take it easy.
My mother had a nag for yelling then saying she loves you. She was loud, out spoken, a revolutionary, most times. She may of not fought physically but she spoke the painful truth right from her inner being.
When Sudan began to systemically rid itself and enslave Dinka people, it was a very dark time. The spirit of oppression was great. It hit most of my people hard. Families, were broken. Abuse cycles began, and we became the poor, mel nourished, spiritually corrupted people. We were the southerners, we are the Dinka people.
In her attempted to free the chains of oppression from the government. My mother sang songs, to lift the sprites of the oppressed. Her songs gave hope to the people that needed it, the power to the weak, a voice to the mute, and a reason to lift your head up.
I never understood the position that my mother held. Not in a million years would I of thought that she was that important to other people. I found out in 2011, just what she was made of when I took a trip to South Sudan. Independence of South Sudan was a momental moment for the world. We had a country to call or own, and my mother was much congratulated.
Sadly, I realize things too late.in my attempt to become westernized, I went against my culture. It's really horrible when you don't know your facts. I should of but I didn't. I had no clue what kind of woman she was. She was one of the most influential woman, in Sudan, held great power, and was a figure of public interest. She wasn't just my mom, she was Mother Teresa of south Sudan. She gave more to other people's kids then her own. I used to hate that but I'm glad. I have enough, as is.
I'm thankful to of known her, and proud to be her daughter. We miss you, Ma!


Heaven wanted her home to rest for eternity. Rest In Paradise, Nyankol Mathiang Dut September 23, 2012. You're missed. Everyday, till we meet again. With love Always, Nyankol-thei.

Introduction

So, for the most part the world doesn't know I exist, except the Dinka people who know of my infamous family. That would be about a million or so people. Or the one and only Tereza-Nyankol Mathiang Dut But for the most part people in North America definitely don't know about me.
To keep things less complicated, i'll state the current facts. My name is Adut, I live in Edmonton alberta Canada. My parents and I are Dinka people from Sudan, that now became 2 countries. I was born in the capital, Khartoum in the '90s. I'm 7th of 9 children. I was raised in 3 countries, Sudan & Egypt & canada. I'm a concrete jungle type of girl, I've never really lived outside a metropolitan area. But my life has hit rock bottom a couple of times but last year was the worst.
I'm a mother with 3 kids, had them all under 21,Technically. I have a son, my first born and two daughters. Life has been extremely harsh and volatile, yet I somehow managed to keep faith that one day it will work out for the best.
When it comes to surprises, And things happening unplanned and unaware that would be the story if my life. Life taken me places that I couldn't ever imagine I'd be, situations that are just screwed beyond, and of course I've had my blessings along the way.
Lately I've had a hard time, only because I'm in love, worry way too much, and I am grieving. What else can. I say? Life is full of sweet bitter moments!

Unlucky Number ٧( Seven)

This is the all inclusive story of #7. Of course there was mom and dad. 6 children then, #7 was born. Within SevenTeen years of her birth would be plenty of trails and tribulations. Of course life will always be complicated for a big family. Sure you can say that for the most part,the world saw the family as Big and Happy. Sure they lived in a tough neighbourhood, but it's where the government made them locate. She thought that living in poverty was normal for all children.
When she was born she wasn't supposed to be alive. She was supposed to be a still born baby at birth. Of all things, God thought otherwise. It wasn't her time yet. He didn't want her back home so soon. At age 1, 3, &5 she would catch Malaria. Yet God still didn't want her back so soon. Every time he saw her suffer, and cried he counted the tears she shed. Through the years she would have a father that fought her right and wrong. Black and white, there was never areas of grey he told her. When her family relocated to another country, things were hard. She left all that she knew. It didn't help that the only person that really cared was dead and gone. Oh she thought so much about her grandmother day and night. She always watched over her. Her grandmother gave her heart to #7. Sure she walked to school everyday, had people call her names. Black shit, waste, black whore, throw rocks and holler even more inappropriate things. Her heart felt weary but she had to go on. Life as a 7 year old was hard. But the hardest so far for her.
What life threw at her, she handles it as best a grown woman could. Always staying strong, though it wasn't in a child's place. Never letting anyone see her cry either. If only life stopped being hard there, then she could of possibly became a regular teen.
Of course, 7 years after leaving her home country she had to experience the most disastrous of things. At 13 she had to live with a man touching her. It had to be the group of men that were so close to her family. It had to be the people who she looked up to as father figures. 1000's of kilometres away from the rest of her family, and In a new home. With familiar faces, she had to keep her secret. Because she knows what it would do to her family. When she cried on the inside, and even screamed but kept a good composure and always laughed, that's when she knew it was too deep. She had lost her innocence because she was officially broken on the inside. That strength that kept her going wasn't her drive. It was basic survival.
Time passed, things changed, and her family came around. 7 years in this new country she met a man. Sure at 16 you couldn't good attention from bad. But the looks he gave her, made her feel sexy. That's when it all went down hill. Walking around with a bruised heart, an undercover agenda against men, and wearing only the most scandalous outfits. She found herself a boyfriend. Someone who gave her all the attention, affection, and things worth lots. Things turned out terribly. Used to keeping secrets, she kept her pregnancy a secret. She knew how precious the child inside of her was. She didn't want to anyone to know so she kept it to herself. Even the boyfriend didn't know. Until that dreadful day, when her family beat her so badly. It hurt more then anything, to have a grown man stomp on you, and beat you for no real reason. She lost her child, and decided turned her back on her family. Only months later, to find out once again she was expecting. I her mind she had found the man of her dreams, and wanted so badly to have a family with him. Just her child, husband, and her. That was the picture in her mind too bad he didn't feel that way. Already feeling like there wasn't anyone who cared or loved her, he asked her to choose. Him or the baby. They both couldn't stay. It was the darkest day in her life she felt. That day when she made the decision that she had to obey her boyfriend. She couldn't embarrass him, or stop him from his goals by forcing him to be a father. So she went ahead and had that abortion. She died that morning, along with her child. Her soul was in the dark realm.
You only live once they say. 4 weeks after that abortion she decided to take her own life. She prepared the letters explaining everything to her family, and old friends. Life was too hard, and very hopeless. So she went ahead; took 2 bottle full of pills,cough syrup, and Appleton estate. A toxic cocktail. Life wasn't worth living in her eyes. Sad to say that nobody found her body for 2 days. Nobody cared to check on her. Lord rest her soul.


Written by ADDGarang

Life experiences to learn from

In all the things I've been through or have had people do to me, I have to say that there are a lot of moments that I'd love to have others learn from.
First and foremost, I lost my mother recently. He death was sudden and was definitely untimely. This experience Has to be one of the hardest in my life next to loosing my grandmother (moms mom), and child loss. The lesson that I've learnt would be that mom's are the very foundation ourselves as females. If you've had a lot of problems with you mother, I suggest you patch things up. Because you don't want to one day grow up, and realize that what your mother's told you and wants for you was true. The worst possibilities is when your mother passes away and you were angry or resented each other. That is in no way a happy ending.
Secondly, having children young. I noticed that I walked into my destiny. As a female, having children and a family is a major milestone in our life. My lesson to you all is don't under estimate the single mothers you know. They made sacrifices, and struggle not only with themselves but with other people. We are the strongest people you will ever meet on the face of the planet. So instead of judging the lady on the bus with the stroller, you might want to get to know her she can do way more then you can imagine. It's a super mom thing.
Thirdly, but not least the whole relationship thing. I've known myself to be the girl that chose unwisely. I couldn't for the life of me have a decent relationship. I found out later on that I had to face my struggles and past. I had to fix myself from the inside out. Everybody knows a female that's so beautiful and intelligent and yet always is miserable and finds herself in a ton of trouble. I was one of those. I can't stress enough, that you have to learn to LOVE yourself and accept your past and MOVE ON.
Life is complicated yea, but you can always find a way to simplify it. Take one day at a time. Work through your stress and triggers. Love on your family and friends. And learn from your past, don't relive it. But most of all forgive one another.

Life

Like most people, I lived in denial my whole entire life up to when I became born again. Like all broken people I find that I have a variety of problems. Most are solved now but there will always be a couple that have tainted me. My past is diverse, not the good kind though. Sometimes I regress instead of progress. And that's when I usually fall with grace.
In 2011, I had a terrible beginning. You can say that it was club, alcohol, sex fuel, of all things. It was sad, but it needed to happen so that I can grow up. Having 2 kids by 19, not having the support, and on top of it being fat. I saw myself at a disadvantage and felt strongly that my life was shit. Though I tried very hard to counter act the negative thinking, I be and entrapped. I found myself at crossroads, walls all around, closed doors. Life was bleak, and then it happened. I found out that the like light felt good. So I did what most 20 year olds do, go to parties & club. It was slow, but the darkness creeped in. I thought I was missing something and that I needs to try what everyone else was doing since their so happy. It just so happened to be that the road south is very temping.
When you decide to have that first drink, you've let in the opportunity for it to become a full time position. Slowly month after month my consumption increased. You can say that at a couple points along the way I was no longer sober, or functioning with out alcohol. It was a daily habit that made me thin, and so I got all the attention. The one thing that lonely girls want. Of ourselves when you attract that many people, there's many problems. You can say at that point I knew a god but didn't want to listen to him.
Of course when you reach the bottom of the pit you can only climb out! I've always had self image problems, but as I grew up and stronger with Christ I came to a place of understanding. A place where hope begins. I don't believe that your truly living untill you've died. That is dying in the flesh. Dying to the things of the world, and letting go. Let go and let God, that's how they say. There was no way for me to come to terms win what had happens with me in my past till I was in a deep dark hole.
When I decided to recommit to believing a Bigger man, it helped me put life into perspective. That I am important and am just one person in this World. But I know that if I go back to the dark realm I cannot be able to fulfill my destiny.
Gods plan for your life, and yours probably don't match but if you come to a place where your humble before him, you will see him come through. I serve a God who does what he says. And it's nice to finally have it in my life. Things finally going the right way at the right time. God is Good